i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
