i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
