i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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