I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
