Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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