I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
