Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
