Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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