Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
