I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
