He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
