chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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