i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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