so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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