Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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