You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
