Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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