We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
