peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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