i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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