grandma shit on top of the toilet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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