I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is Oprah even human
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
