what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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