Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
