I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
