You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
