For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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