I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
