im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
