96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
