So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
