I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
