i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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