Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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