I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
