I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
