I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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