do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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