Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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