It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
