i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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