Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
