He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
