Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
