If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
