So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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