I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
