Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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