I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
