ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
