If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
