I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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