Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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