I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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