So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
