I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i've created a new STD.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
