how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
