did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
