I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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