fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize