I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
