What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
