I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
