yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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