remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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