we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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