Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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