Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
