Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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