Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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