I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
