two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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